when it smelt of roses

 I look at these dried up rain puddles ahead of me:

Muddy remnants of fun, sprouting little greens (or was it black from the soot)

Iridescent in my eyes, but then - isn't this just all in my head?

Sometimes, we paint dreams that are more beautiful than what we embrace

Sending good vibes over from where it should come from

Youth is wasted on the young, they say

Only for us to grow up loathing those dirty brown pools of gross

Underrated fun, clouded by our own ego and dignity

Such is letting go

Takes forever

Endings are beautiful for it means something new, as you

Vanish from my mouth

Ending at the back of my throat

Never to escape but you have to go.

Promises That Rhyme

Promises so beautiful they drift away in the wind
Carried away by a gentle breeze into the rainbow
While I stand on the ground
Waiting for my heart to grow stone cold
From all these words I found
"Love you always," you said
This - poison my heart chose to drown in
Sometimes better than living in vain ain't it?

Promises so beautiful they set you ablaze
Carried away by the wind, acre by acre
You devour all in sight with haste
Till all that's left to hear are whispers you have forgotten
Echoing incessantly in empty chambers
Empty words are so full of power
The innocence you chose to deflower
The smile on a coward, a pretty face

Promises so beautiful they came from your lips
Cherry red blossoms hiding little black pits
Terms and conditions, the lies that you hid
You'll be leaving tomorrow, and by nightfall you did
And promises you made are the ones I keep
In poetry and angry words are phrases that fit
But what's the point? There's no meaning
Our lives are no longer conjoined.

Just a sour, tiresome feeling.

Promises that rhyme.

When Dreams Speak

My fingers falter while I sort my thoughts out. It is, in a way difficult now to express what I truly feel, in an age of instant gratification and instantaneous distractions all around.

Even as these words roll out in droves, my mind flickers through channels - so many thoughts, so many feelings left unsolved for the longest time.

But through countless pictures posted, videos, feel good moments with an audience predisposed to judge your every move: you don't construct an artificial personality. It is you, molded not by choice other than that first step taken to be an entertainer. It is you, an organic persona crafted through years of careful curation of what to do, what to show the world, and bury all semblance of what is truly you.

But then again, this is all me. My passion, what I dreamt of - standing on the big stage with a song in my head and a story to tell. But dreams don't feed you, don't they? This gypsy living, a day by day existence of videos, photos, songs and smiles has satisfied my calling - but is that all to it?

But poetics don't betray this hunger. This hunger that one day will be satiated when you reach your full potential. This moment, however, seems further and further away, high in a cloud of childhood dreams and more smiles. More claps. More comments - words of encouragement but then again you stay on your bed, with an empty stomach -

And I wonder - what exactly is hunger?

And I see friends who have worked so many years, toiled so long and spent themselves inside out to reach this pipe dream only to be overcome by age and time - this is a game not many can play.

Algorithms, connections, all these additional equations that makes it such a rollercoaster ride, but don't all rides end where they begun?

But how beautiful is a daytime dreaming? How beautiful it is to live for an idea, a calling, where it feeds your soul and leaves you satiated even when there is nothing more to live for

It is truly beautiful, but beauty is just a moment in time - as physicality fades away, so does beautiful dreams - we all live for something, but then again we all die.

Feelings come and go, and romance is beautiful - but all promises are meant to be broken

And now you must go.

Here's my life for you guys to see HAHA

Goodbye, Ben

EXT. Outdoor bench. Midday, overcast.

Jess walks over from a distance. Ben is seated on the table, expecting her.

Jess is seated.

Jess: I’m sorry I’m late.
Ben: It’s alright. Here are your things. I’ve brought it out for you so you don’t have to come over to collect.
Jess: Thanks Ben.
Ben: Ben? Haven’t heard that coming from your lips in a while.
Jess: I’m sorry.
Ben: It’s ok.

BEAT.

Jess: I hope you’re coping?
Ben: You think?
Jess: Well I am also trying to cope.
Ben: You? Cope? I can see you’re coping very well, especially with that man in your -
Jess: What are you trying to say? He’s my friend -
Ben: Yeah right with your hands on his lap, friends indeed -
Jess: I will not allow you to speak of me in this way!

BEAT.

Jess: I’m sorry. I know it was wrong of me to leave like this. I had my difficulties, you know?
Ben: What kind? You left just like that, telling me you were gonna return home to visit family and you never came back -
Jess: I had no choice, my parents wanted me to stay -
Ben: What a bunch of lies, you were bored of this place. You were bored of me -
Jess: No I wasn’t!
Ben: You listen. You left, and then all these photos started appearing - you think I’m stupid?
Jess: He’s just a friend! Stop putting the blame on me. You are in the wrong too, you couldn’t give me the care I needed -
Ben: Yeah you needed a dick in you and I couldn’t be there -
Jess: Are you implying I’m a slut?
Ben: Yes.

Jess slaps Ben. Ben is silent.

Jess: You have no right to speak of me this way. You... followed all those hot babes too on instagram -
Ben: You were the one that promised to love me for a lifetime, and you were the one who left -
Jess: I left, but I had no choice. You can’t provide for me. I can’t survive here, on my own. I need to think for my own future -
Ben: There you said it yourself. Go! Go and find that... rich guy since you like money so much -
Jess: Yes I’m a slut. I’m always wrong, you happy? I’m cheap, I’m desperate, you can’t give me the love I need - what can you do about it?
Ben: Why are we torturing each other like this?

BEAT.

Jess: I don’t know.
Ben: We used to love each other so much.
Jess: Times have changed. We... Are no longer compatible.
Ben: I gave my heart to you, sold by all your promises, and you have to treat me like this?
Jess: I’m sorry.

BEAT.

Ben: That’s all you can say?
Jess: I have to go. Good bye.

Jess stands up and leaves with her things. Ben watches.

End scene

Friends

Maybe,
Even friends hold stars higher than broken hearts
In tears
Kept in warm eyes
Eyes that cry together
Eyes that laugh together

She Killed You In My Sleep

Swiping through profiles, all but a familiar whirl of the old times
Through weightless words exchanged again and again, remembering
Even as you smile at the unknown:

Valentines with an empty seat
Ends a beautiful memory of the dead -
Never will I leave you was her promise

Silent prayers at the altar with
All the love I have but with
No one to give

Just dreams of what we had
And what could be, for
Yesterday was just moments ago

And tomorrow will never be, so
Rest in peace, my dear
On a bed filled with sweet dreams, and

Hope, from an innocent face, and
All the empty promises she gave
Never to be heard of again

It was an unfortunate situation, she said, as
I listened, as much as I listened to those
Sweet lies

As I peer at her grave,
Lost in grief,
I smile at the death of her soul

All the innocence was mine to keep
Rest in peace
:)