it's an odd feeling to suddenly be free after a few weekends of intense work... it almost seems that i've become lost once again. i love my work, i love what i do, but i am so afraid of the inherent discontentment within me. i know that i am meant for great things but i am limited by my scarcity mindset and my... inertia.
i have been working for almost a decade, but looking back, i've not grown in terms of opportunities. maybe experiences, and i am a much more polished performer and entertainer, but i have not been able to build my clientele beyond the few regulars, and that is worrying.
but i also don't want to be absorbed in greed; i want to cultivate my habit of gratitude and contentment for what i have - i am certainly living a good life, a comfortable life... but i am also tired of being mediocre.
but people do not see this - they see my fame, they see that i do big jobs - but what's the point if it doesn't need to a steady growth or consistent income? i earn, but i am tired of trading my time for money, i wish to make it work for me.
but i've done investments, stock trading and got my big potential (paper) profit and then my large loss and now that i've tasted what it feels like to earn so much without lifting a finger, i feel that i'm wasting my time chasing after pennies when i should be cultivating a farm that grows dollar bills.
i've not gone richer but my mind has changed, and i can't stop. i just hope my inertia will be overcome, that i can build the strength to work harder and smarter to get what i aim for in life: something worthwhile, something meaningful and something extraordinary.
