Interesting dream I remembered. Interesting ain't it?

I was in front of a condominium, in the lobby. There were large steps leading to the lobby, and it was sure grand.

I was standing there, with a misty Sun above me.

Then there were this being of the night, already transformed, and in his arms lay a captor.

He was one of those who are too far condemned from a life in heaven. Therefore being in the Sun would not bring him closer to the light.

He proclaimed possession over me and all those in his presence. Yet I was just a spectator.

And there were hooded crows, messengers who spread lies over the plain country.

They were strangely silent, yet their hooded heads nodded in fervor.

And then there were people, dressed up like crows, sniggering and hiding. Hiding, but their white, fat faces did not escape our gaze.

And I never knew if they escaped His gaze.

And I heard their conversation. They were talking about curiosity. And that they could leave anytime.

But could they?

And there was this heat.

I knew I was dreaming, but I could not wake up from this scenario. Strangely, that large winged being drew me with his majestic demeanor, his thirst for blood hanging in the strangely misty air.

And there was this constant wind blowing brown autumn leaves, leaving some on my hair - but there was no wind that I felt, only an intense summer heat.

And the white faced people giggled, and switched positions between the silent, still cloaked crows, boasting about the ignorance of these creatures of the night.

And the Sun was swallowed by a cloud.

I woke up.

De Zhong

Life's good.

Clearing leave feels so good.
Late mornings.
Sloth.
No pressure.
A nice, warm brunch ready for you at the table.
No work.

No humans to please.
Thanks be to God for this restful period.

It's near Christmas.

Christmas is coming.

Sometimes. I wish it was more eventful.

There should be one time of the year I'm looking forward to, and Christmas seems to be the best time.

It's the end of the year, there's less work, there's holidays coming up, there's nice Christmassy songs...

Something's missing.

I know what's missing.

Presents!

Okay something more politically correct would be - to feel God's love.

Random rants rock. :)

Sometimes.

Sometimes, all we need is kindness. Kindness changes lives. A smile, a considerate action, empathy.

Trust.

Here's something I did on a Saturday.

Thanks for giving this opportunity for an emotional catharsis. I sung my heart out and I think I did a pretty good job:)

Here's my song below.

"My Funny Valentine"

How Toys Become Real - A book I should pick up someday.

"What is real?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real is not how you are made," said the Skin Horse. It is a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. When you are real you do not mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, “or bit by bit?"

"It does not happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. You become. It takes a long time. That is why it does not happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.

But these things do not matter at all, because once you are real you cannot be ugly, except to people who do not understand."

Is this a children's book?
It gave me goosebumps.

A reflective post I saw on the net.

"Grant me the ability to never settle for anything else that I truly deserve and let me work my hardest for what I desire. 

Let me charter into territories unknown, let me get lost and help me find my way. 

Get my heart broken, my knees scraped, get my arms bruised. 

Let me be in so much pain that when I get out of it whole and clean, I know I can take on anything that comes in my way. 

Let me delve into the deepest pools of thought, and let me drown in its richness. 

Allow me to continue befriending dynamic individuals, continue challenging me to my wit's end, and please help make sure my spirit never falters. 

More than anything else, no matter how much I tread the path of the unfamiliar with much bated breath, please, please help me make sure I am never terrified of being terrified."

......

Stranger, what you need is not all those. What you need is to learn how to appreciate what you have.

But good job for that well constructed essay. You left a good impression of yourself,

A blessing on a Friday.

Sometimes, you can learn so much by being willing to listen.

Today, I talked to a senior colleague in my office. It was a blessing for me. I learnt about business, learnt about myself, learnt how to communicate and most importantly, learnt how to listen.

Thank you mister.

Though you told me you learnt from me as well: I feel that this talk can potentially change the way I think.

Bit by bit, I will shed the naivety in me and learn the art of being socially adept.

Bit by bit, I will climb the ladder of success and live the eventual lifestyle I want.

 Bit by bit, I will learn to listen more and more, till I have something to offer on my own.

Thank you for believing in me, though others may belittle and chide me, though others may look upon me with scorn and pity.

Thank you for being my friend in this society where everyone can be the next one to shoot you down.

Thank you for changing the tides for me - for giving me this sense of meaning, this joy in attending daily activities, for giving me confidence in my own self.

With your encouragement, I sincerely feel that I have grown.

I will not forget this day.

This is truly a blessing from God.

Something good about today.

My bosses were not around:)

Alright I still did my work. But still...

It's going to be a wonderful Friday.

A poem I wrote way back in January 2009. I was so mushy back then. Sigh.

Love is all one needs.
With the passing of time, all will pass,
withering, withering, within
As the beautiful petals of your present
will fall away, leaving the
Brown unsightly core
"Do you still love me by then?"
I ask, as you witness the results
of an unordinary love.

Love is all one needs.
As infatuation leads to self denial,
further progressing to
emotional security
"I do"
I say, as I make a promise
for a life time.

Love is all one needs.

Telling not all, but one,
And convincing one that one actually
Never wants to leave him
Yesterday, today and tomorrow
Under the blanket
You do understand this, and so do I
As someone close to you
Never will, and never will
Give you away.

Love is all I need.
As time compacts into a moment in time,
forever treasured as moments are temporary
A photo taken by the mind
of your eyes
Filled with power
Not of dominance but of emotional communication
Brown is actually such a lovely colour
The colour of your eyes
"Baby," someone's voice whispers
In the distant present
in the nearby past
As you stare through a screen
transcending through space
through time
through physical and momentary barriers
to come face to face
Heart to heart
Together
Hand in Hand
Love
Is all I need.

De Zhong

A Swan Song

How I shed my feathers,
one
by
one
The white crushed by the fiery fire of despair
The croak I sing
This melodious ode to your affection
Methinks
This dress I wear, this momentary attraction
melts as the heat reaches the afternoon air
As all goes to black
With eyes closed, my wings flap
Flap
Flap
FLAP
While the gentle release
of my digestive gasses
released from my dead, rotting body
As I fly,
A dream of me in bed,
never opening my eyes
Never again, he said.

Daisy

Jazz is still my favourite.

When Life

Sometimes, things grow heavy
Heavy in your swollen eyes filled with gravy
Yet is it not a heaviness in your heart so long and far
A grief you cannot escape thus far?

Sometimes, my face grows heavy
I speak to myself all day
As my jolted heart bears no more
To speak to mouths of stone and molton iron

Sometimes, my heart feels cold
An empty heart with a soul
Yet a black-hole finds its way in part
As mind and heart segmented, one in a jar

Sometimes, when I do feel sad
I tell myself to smile
For it is right to smile in vain
For life can only travel this far

Sometimes, when life comes to pass
I will fly like a bird
Forgotten
Into the past

Into happiness in part

De zhong

The Ghost

I see him walking down the cobbled street
His eyes of grey reflecting desires I seek
A boy of 15 so forlorn and cold
Dreams of a beautiful past I have told
Sometimes I see him, beneath the cornea of my eye
A shadow of the past, a memory of mine
For the ghosts of your past will pass away
As the nights of your dreaming turns to day
Where do they go when they leave?
They go into the shadows, shifting like thieves
Sometimes I see him, beneath the distractions of time
A poor little boy, not theirs nor mine
But belonging to no one, not adored and forgot
By all who walks through life blind
Happiness they do not find
Someday, when they do die
They will find themselves like this boy
Unable to let go, to let go of their insignificant toys
In limbo for the rest of their days
Fading memories of fate
Repeating past and undue mistakes
Undone
Are the doors in their heart
For it was no more.

De Zhong

Eradicating This Pig-let of a Bully

Dreaming of forgetting unhappy memories
I let my mind set free
Although in my nightmares, sometimes
this girl, clad in white, with a large mouth, ratty nose comes
a devilish smirk on her face, her voice as loud as Medea's scream
I falter in my footsteps to friendship
I lie down squirming in self agony
I am silent.
Running away is stationary
I use my leg-claws
Dug a massive hole with due unintention
And I hide from this monster
And similarly from all other angels
This will not do, though my wings remain clipped
I will grow them back, shed my heavy weight of a heart
Fly free and set free
The mocked bird lying forlornly in my stone heart
I will grow to find you so
To love what I have lost
To regain cheerful memories which unkind words have robbed
To be free from the clutches of hypocrisy and arrogance
And unkind words
Of the Bully.

Happy faces.

The Wait

Waiting patiently for my days to go by.
For it to be over,
where I can stroll guiltless through trees of green
where I can think free
run free away from all this madness
written madness of life

Dancing zebras are what I dream of

as Life is more than I can say
more than I can feel
more than I can take
The instantaneous detail
the momentary happiness and fear of the unknown
few unknown
few unspoken
much left to hear
that one cannot hear
one that one may avoid
and seek to find
some meaning
in depths of meaningless struggle
for momentary pride and favor
with beings not worth your respect
of elderly snobbery
and gossip
and laugh
and lust of gleeful words
of sniggering hurts
of life not well lived

Memories

Memories, just a bitter lingering after taste in your mouth

washed dry with the sweetness of passion

the nostalgia of innocent happiness forever buried

by the realization of the evil of this world

the childhood clamor of old friends replaced

with the silence and coldness of strangers long before

and the awkwardness I feel

lingering, lingering

as she turns a head up high, back to the conversation

as I never existed.

Will you never grow out of your facade?