Off colour.

There is a growing uneasiness within me.

Day by day it tugs at my chest, filling me with anxiety.

I am not sure what I am feeling. I am finishing my mandatory service very soon - what is this?

Fear of the unknown? Fear of making a decision?

There is so much to life. So much to live. Yet so little time.

In a few months - I would most probably be going to SMU to read business.

Yet a part of me tugs at the possibility of reading law in the UK.

The challenge I will most likely not take up due to the high initial costs involved.

And yet another part of me pulls me to the entertainment sector.

I just wanna act, and sing like there's no tomorrow. Coz' there's no tomorrow, it seems in this sector.

You work, and there you are again pining for your next gig, being at the mercy of the many casting managers, competing with many talented and aspiring artists as well.

Will I take this life?

I have only 20 years or so of productive working years. If I must be an entertainer, even less.

Time waits for no one, yet now - I await, all the time.

There are so many obligations - and as much as I would want to live a life of giving, I realise - it requires first a lifetime of effort.

This clammy feeling in my stomach is not unfamiliar.

I once, and once again feel it.

Life - forces you to make decisions faster than you are ready.

Interesting dream I remembered. Interesting ain't it?

I was in front of a condominium, in the lobby. There were large steps leading to the lobby, and it was sure grand.

I was standing there, with a misty Sun above me.

Then there were this being of the night, already transformed, and in his arms lay a captor.

He was one of those who are too far condemned from a life in heaven. Therefore being in the Sun would not bring him closer to the light.

He proclaimed possession over me and all those in his presence. Yet I was just a spectator.

And there were hooded crows, messengers who spread lies over the plain country.

They were strangely silent, yet their hooded heads nodded in fervor.

And then there were people, dressed up like crows, sniggering and hiding. Hiding, but their white, fat faces did not escape our gaze.

And I never knew if they escaped His gaze.

And I heard their conversation. They were talking about curiosity. And that they could leave anytime.

But could they?

And there was this heat.

I knew I was dreaming, but I could not wake up from this scenario. Strangely, that large winged being drew me with his majestic demeanor, his thirst for blood hanging in the strangely misty air.

And there was this constant wind blowing brown autumn leaves, leaving some on my hair - but there was no wind that I felt, only an intense summer heat.

And the white faced people giggled, and switched positions between the silent, still cloaked crows, boasting about the ignorance of these creatures of the night.

And the Sun was swallowed by a cloud.

I woke up.

De Zhong