Monday, 20 January 2014

Off colour.

There is a growing uneasiness within me.

Day by day it tugs at my chest, filling me with anxiety.

I am not sure what I am feeling. I am finishing my mandatory service very soon - what is this?

Fear of the unknown? Fear of making a decision?

There is so much to life. So much to live. Yet so little time.

In a few months - I would most probably be going to SMU to read business.

Yet a part of me tugs at the possibility of reading law in the UK.

The challenge I will most likely not take up due to the high initial costs involved.

And yet another part of me pulls me to the entertainment sector.

I just wanna act, and sing like there's no tomorrow. Coz' there's no tomorrow, it seems in this sector.

You work, and there you are again pining for your next gig, being at the mercy of the many casting managers, competing with many talented and aspiring artists as well.

Will I take this life?

I have only 20 years or so of productive working years. If I must be an entertainer, even less.

Time waits for no one, yet now - I await, all the time.

There are so many obligations - and as much as I would want to live a life of giving, I realise - it requires first a lifetime of effort.

This clammy feeling in my stomach is not unfamiliar.

I once, and once again feel it.

Life - forces you to make decisions faster than you are ready.

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